dealing with grandchildren

1/8/2015

I was a teen mom...now I'm 52 with 8 grandchildren, my daughters both have 4 children, by brothers. All patents are alcoholics/Pot smokers,my 15 yr.old granddaughter has tried vodka was caught, now I believe she is smoking pot:( on Nov. 21st, 21st 2014 molestation was discovered and confessed by 15 year old. I'm heartbroken , scared, just need grandparents to share with. The father has moved out, cps and police have open case. I'm staying at daughters home since Nov. Incident...tonight I smelt pot again in 15 year Olds room.everythings a mess ..thank you for listening. ..

15 Comments

Terri

1/10/2015 09:21:12 am

I am sorry for your pain. What about your life? You need and deserve a life separate from the lives your children and their children are living. We can't fix or control or manage other people. We just have to let them go.

cheryl

1/11/2015 10:16:07 am

Thank you Terri,
I know not who I am or what to do without them, I'm so afraid to let go. What if I'm not there? And he comes?
I know it sounds pitiful :( I am a Christian and I ask God every day, I have to say sorry to him for not having faith...I am married, my poor husband...i just can't let go...i see improvement in daughters home. Hopefully they will be slapping handcuffs on the perpreters wrists soon...

Airianne link

1/12/2015 05:22:44 am

Cheryl, I know what you mean about not being able to let go. How do you cut a part of you out of your life? You can't, at least we can't. My own sister was molested by her father when she was young and it was reported and nothing was done. I hope you have much better luck with this case. Our 25 year old son and his girlfriend are being thrown out of their grandmothers house due to arguments and antisocial behavior. They have a 5 mo old baby. Grandma doesn't know about drug use (pot and recently meth) we talked to CPS about it wanting to get custody of baby while they get their act together with no luck so now let's see what they figure out.

Terri

1/12/2015 05:55:38 am

Cheryl, I can't imagine the pain of having grandchildren to protect in the middle of all of this. I am just so sorry. I have learned that I can't live in chaos and function. At some point I have to get away from it all. Can you get custody of the grandchildren and get the adults who are causing the problems away from where you live? I am sure it is very complicated, and I just want to send you warm hugs and prayers that things will change for you all.

cheryl

1/13/2015 01:40:23 am

Ariaianne,
Thank you for your message, yes I can't let go...my 8 grandkids are gifts to me and I just can't imagine waking up 5 or 10 years from now (or even 1 year) and realizing I could have made a difference! !! I am making a difference now, and hopefully this week alot will change! Molestation forensic interview should happen for my 15 year old granddaughter.
I will be praying and hoping you can help your 5 mo. Old grandbaby. Meth. is a terrible drug, it takes over lives completely! Keep your head high grandma..keep in touch ! Thank you!!

Airianne link

1/31/2015 02:37:36 pm

Dear Cheryl, I really hope you got or will get some good news from the investigators. My son and his girlfriend have til the end of Feb to get out of their grandmas house since they have not been good housemates ie: fighting in the recent past, although they have stopped recently since she threatened to call the police, not keeping their space clean, taking and not returning dishes/silverware, and being antisocial. Grandma has no idea about the pot/meth use so it's just as well that they leave. I really hope they find a descent place and make it work this time. They could stay with us I guess if they agree to rehab 1st. I am REALLY tired of the stress and constant worry, but I can't stop. The little time we have with our grandson is so precious. Well it's time for bed, have to get me rest so I'm ready for tomorrow's drama lol:)

cheryl

1/13/2015 01:46:11 am

Hi Terri,
I know how u feel too..
The chaos is affecting me mentally and physically. .but I must remain strong, I MUST make a difference for my grandchildren. There is a chance I may get custody, case still open. You r right, I do need me time, I am walking and going to try meetings/ support groups!
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. Hopefully this week cases moving forward..keep in touch#

Debra Gajewski link

1/31/2015 09:14:50 am

So sorry , I have a daughter who lives with me and her dad, with her 9 year old daughter, our granddaughter. It is so very hard to not be able to help an addict child in our case a 30 ish daughter. They have to want to get better and fight like hell to stay clean. We try to get on with our lives , but very hard as you know. I am, not ready to give up. It has been 6 years but I allays think . maybe this time will be the time, she gets herself healthy. You love your child for who they really are, not the disease that has taken over them.
God bless all of us as we , do want we think is right for ourselves and our family. God watch over our loved ones and give them the strength to get through this terrible disease.

Airianne Kopa link

2/1/2015 01:23:47 am

I definitely choose to love my adult son but not his actions. I get depressed sometimes thinking about what a waste it is that he is not living his potential. But then I reach down within myself and I feel like there is still hope that he can be a much better Dad and person. It's VERY hard on me to hear anything else negative about him from family. It's like they are talking about me since he is a part of me, and I helped raise him and they usually blame the mother for any issues with the children. I just don't want to hear anything else negative, it is too much. I hope and pray that today will be the day he and his GF get their act cleaned up.

Debra Gajewski

2/3/2015 08:36:46 am

There is always hope....I will never give up . I understand completely. We are
Moms, we do Love unconditionally.

Tamalyn

3/12/2015 03:18:28 am

Hello, I am the mother of a 31 year old daughter who is addicted to meth and/or heroin. My daughter is nothing but skin and bones and her face is covered with scars from picking and scratching. She has two of my grand children who are 7 and 11...since her husband is in jail for a dirty urine test, we all want to do an intervention giving her no choice but to get help and want to get custody of the kids while she's getting help. I know DCS is involved somehow, but we want custody of the kids, not the state. I love my daughter this addiction is killing her. I really need solid advise how to do all of this!!!...please help...

D'Arcy

3/23/2015 08:27:16 am

Tamalyn. Make sure DCS has your address and phone number. If they decide to take the children from her they will contact you. Most agency would rather put the children with a family member instead of foster home. Good luck.

Tamalyn

3/23/2015 03:22:11 pm

Thank you D'Arcy and this is what we all want to make sure happens. We do have DCF aware. We just want them to all be a family...it's so sad they really aren't and the kids are the victims. Again thank you

Pat

2/18/2018 06:03:23 pm

Tamilyn,
This is my first post here but felt compelled to comment on your post. We have a 33 yr old daughter who was on meth 10yrs ago, then when clean used marijuana, and the last 3 yrs has used vicoden. The situation deteriorated, but she and her also addicted BF love their little 6yr old deeply. We have been conflicted for months, contacted the child protection services, but they did nothing because he wasnt being beaten, sexually abused, or abandoned with no food. So, we are going thru the courts. We are seeing custody, and are filing ex parte, which happens the same day, with no notice to the parents. I wish you luck and will keep you in my prayers. Each story is heartbreaking.

Angela

8/7/2017 05:35:21 pm

the effects of drugs are never good.my husband was an addict for 10 years. this got him rehabilitated twice and sometimes in trouble.i almost gave up on him until he got help by Dr Mack, who helped in getting him free from addiction.i got to contact him after i saw a testimony of a lady on this blog who also faced similar issue with her son until he got help from Dr Mack. now my husband is free from addiction and is being the best husband and father to our kids and i i’d urge anyone on this blog facing similar or any problem to also contact him via email:dr_mack@Yahoo. com..

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