heroin

11/16/2014

Having just written this in response to a parent's letter, it occured to me that I should post here as well.

Turns out that the hitting-rock-bottom bit isn't true after all, as addicts are capable of surviving awful circumstances which you and I would surely think of as something we'd never, ever want to repeat - yet they do. If your adult child is now hooked on heroin, it's going to be a very long haul, I'm afraid. Heroin is such a vicious substance that when addicts have been clean for months, and even years, the siren call is too powerful and they relapse, again and again.

The best thing families can do is educate themselves about heroin addiction, realize it's real and not something that can be only used sometimes like cocaine, and brace themselves for the coming years. It's been quite challenging for me to find heroin addicts in recovery who are comfortable talking about what eventually allowed them to stay sober, but so far it seems to be one of two things: they had a spiritual experience, or their guilt about abandoning their children finally gave them the strength to do the every-single-day-for-the-rest-of-their-lives work to be sober.

I wish I could give you more hopeful news. ~ Cheryl

38 Comments

Susan link

11/16/2014 12:29:59 am

I have a 28 year old daughter. She graduated from high school, had her dental technician cert. Marketing Cert and Vet Tech. She has dreams. Her boyfriend after high school was her fun. They smoked pot together had a lot in common and life was great. They had a child together, still getting high. I should have done something then but what.

The split when the child was two, she having custody due to he was in jail. A year passed, she still is using with a new boyfriend only it has moved to Meth now. My grandchild was tested for Meth and tested positive. He now has custody and she is on supervised visits every weekend if a drug test is pass.

This has been the life of our addicted child for two years since the new boyfriend. Who likes to tell people he is a VET and that he has TBI, and PTSD from his time in Iraq. He plays this role over and over to get people to give him leniency for his wrong doings. I have tried to tell my daughter after being with him for the first year that he only cares about himself not her really.

Their actions have caused her to lose her daughter. She cannot have a job because this boyfriend says she does not need to work he has guaranteed money every month that no one can take away. They owe him. He makes her feel so guilty going to work that she quits.

She has missed the last two Christmas's with her daughter with excuses that really have no reason. I am afraid this year will be no different. The addiction is very bad. They both are in the court system for possession, theft, not going to court. And when they are picked up on warrants the system lets them go do to over crowding. You think finally she will be in for a week and get a start on being clean. They release her and it starts over.

I cannot tell you how much money I have put into what I thought was helping her. I have not helped her I have hurt her. I have given her the tools to keep using, for that I am done. I now know helping even in the smallest bit will only lead her to one more "FIX". Yes I still feel guilty that I am not doing enough to help her.
I know in my self talk that I cannot help her, she has to want to help herself. I feel so helpless.

She does not understand why I dislike this guy she is with so much. He is a con and he coned us until after the first six months we caught on to him. We even told him to his face what a con he is, nothing changed. We thought her losing her daughter would jolt her. It has not. The statement "when will she hit rock bottom" rolls through my mind. Now I know it is when she says she has had enough. I only hope she has the strength to follow through with getting clean, staying clean. But she is not even in the first step.

Several years ago her dad was arrested for Meth. He did 4 months in jail. I was shocked I did not even know my husband was using let alone an addict. We are still married, I understand why he was doing what he was but I also let him know it was no excuse. He struggles every day to pull himself from depression after the loss of his Father and then his entire family.

Our daughter screams at me that I am a hypocrite because I stay with him but will not accept her boyfriend. She tells me he has bigger problems than her dad and how could I be so mean to a VET.

I try not to get pulled into her fights, I have said horrible things to her and so regret them. Now it has been three days since I last talked to her. I sure hope she is ok, as "OK" as an addict can be.

8/19/2016 05:24:30 am

How is your daughter doing Susan? I have not been on the site for a year and re-read your post.

Donna

11/22/2014 01:27:59 am

My son is in rehab just completed 30 days and first day out he relapsed!! This is not the first time this has happened. So they put him back in detox for three days at the cost of $1500 then he will be back for another 30 days of relearning what he already knows. My husband bless his heart can not let my son go. He will die trying to save my son's live and leave us in total financial ruin. There is nothing I can do but stand back and watch everything go down the drain. I love my son with all my heart but his choice to use herion has changed our lives in such a destructive way that I have a very hard time showing any sympathy for him. I do pray for him to find peace. My church prays for him like crazy.. I pray for my daughter to keep her faith and stay strong knowing her brother is killing himself and my husband. My thoughts wander into dark places wishing for all drug dealers to die but I know more would take their place. It's sad when you think death is not so bad. To all of you out there looking for answers I pray so hard for you and your addict. We are all in the same boat.

Chris

12/25/2014 10:46:11 pm

I haven't been on this website for quite some time and I wanted to share what has happened in my life having a heroin addicted 27 yr old son. When I first found out he had a drug problem I didn't know where to turn, how to get help or anything. In the last couple years I have learned so much, so please educate yourself or get on this website and ask other parents for advice. That helped me get through some very tough times.My son has been to detox 3 times and to 2 -30 day rehabs. He made a little progress each time but still relapsed, Last July he got pulled over and had a needle on him and small amount of heroin, This was the first time he had ever been in trouble with the law. I didn't bail him out thanks to the support I got from this website. When he got out I took him to a free center to get counseling and he started going to meetings. He had to go to court for sentencing in October and his court appointed lawyer said he would get probation for 5yrs and if he tested positive he would go to prison for 1 yr, Well he ended up getting sentenced to the worth center for 6 months. It is a rehabilitation facility where they send felons who aren't a threat to society. This place has been a Godsend! As you make progress you earn priviedges and eventually get to work.(They take you to and from work) , I could go on but I guess what I'm saying is don't give up hope. Sometimes we want to give up but just keep praying , have faith and hold on to HOPE! Also from my experience a 30 day rehab is a waste of time. It needs to be at least a 90 day program or longer. I've learned over time not to be an enabler but I will always be there to listen, love and support him. He is doing great and I will continue to pray for all those suffering from addiction and their families. God Bless.

Pat

12/28/2014 12:17:51 pm

I am happy for you and your family. I hope you continue to share good news.

Chantel

1/16/2015 02:19:55 pm

Thank you for sharing, this is my first time on this site and to here others going thru the same thing as me and sharing what they are going thru just like myself and my family helps.

8/19/2016 05:29:32 am

Hope your son is doing well Chris. I just read your post and I agree, 30 day programs don't work.

Maddy

3/13/2015 02:55:01 pm

I have custody of my granbaby. I don't understand why she can't come back? $15000. For 28 day rehab, left after 8 days. Lacking empathy, so self absorbed it's horrifying.

Desiree Smith

7/5/2016 03:57:31 pm

I understand this kind of pain. Death will not make it better. With life there is always hope. My son has been addicted to herion for 15 years. Incarcerated again making bad choices about his cases. We went to his hearing today, heart breaking to hear it all. We have to go on, without him. He has chosen this. That is what I tell myself . Out of money, out of everything, nothing left for anyone to do. I have to live for the rest of my family. I need God to help me every minute. I hope you find some peace.

Suze Q

10/29/2016 10:00:39 am

Why do they want to take drugs when it causes so much grief? I don't understand what keeps addicts going back when their lives are ruined by it.

Debra Anne Gajewski

11/29/2014 09:32:47 am

It has been 6 years my daughter better but not fully recovered. She has been in rehab many times, used in front of us, overdosed in front of us , that took her to the intense of care unit ....We are enablers because she has a beautiful daughter , that is 9 years old, and they live with us, I feel I am going out of my ever loving mind in the last three years.Don't know what to do with all the second chances done over the course of 6 years.

Liz

4/6/2015 12:13:49 pm

Your daughter is a powerful and influential figure to your granddaughter and at this point, she is a terrible roll model! If your granddaughter continues to watch her Mother go to hell in a handbasket, she will likely grow up deeply wounded and headed for trouble. She deserve a chance to know there is a better life be lived, BUT she needs a safer environment with lots of love, guidance and stability If your daughter's ego won't let her do whats right, petition for custody. You have to let your daughter fend for herself in another persons house because that little kid deserves a chance!

Pamela link

12/13/2014 09:07:50 pm

Yes, we are all in the same boat. I have two heroin addicted grown kids, and have adopted my grand-daughter. I stopped believing in a "hitting rock bottom" scenario years ago. With heroin addiction, rock bottom is death. Isn't it a terrible place to be when you sometimes even wish for that, rather than the ongoing horror that addiction brings into your life? Only parents of addicts can understand. Prayers of strength going out to all of you, XO

Gail

5/27/2015 01:20:48 am

I also have two heroin adicted grown kids. They've destroyed our family. My husband suffered a nervous breakdown 9 years ago from all the stress. He still hasn't recovered. Our two sober children won't have anything to do with their addict siblings. We are now raising our five-year-old granddaughter. In 2 weeks her mother is getting out of jail and the whole roller coaster ride will start again. I completely understand the notion that an addict's death brings peace to many. A co-worker had an addicted daughter who committed suicide this year. It's awful to admit but in some ways my husband and I would trade her places. I know this is the only place where I can be this truthful about my feelings and that people will actually understand. I love my addict kids. But their lives have torn mine apart for 15 years now and I feel so helpless...

Pat

12/16/2014 01:30:05 pm

Just read , "letter from an addict". Maybe you could post it in this forum. This time of year many of us feel guilty for not giving in to our addicts needs.

Alice

12/23/2014 08:50:20 pm

Our daughter is 34 years old and has been addicted to Meth for the past 3 years. She's been in detox several times, 30 day treatment centers twice and two half way houses during these years. She also OD once. Her last swing downward we finally told her she could not live at home and she was homeless for two months and lived on the street. It broke our heart to see her live this way. No money, no food, no shelter. When she would call and ask to come home for a shower or stay for the night we would say no, going with 'Tough Love'. Her mind was so messed up she didn't know how to go to a homelss shelter. My husband and I began going to meetings ~ getting treatment for our self, talking to others and being open with our friends. We realized our daughters brain was damaged that she didn't have the ability or the skill for cognitive thinking. The brains transmitters are damaged from the drug. We began reaching out to medical and social workers who told us when she reaches the 'bottom' she would need guidence and help in this area of her life. Her brain only had the skill of a child, not an adult. In learning this, when she reached out to us again asking for help we made the decission to help her as we would help a 12 year old child. We checked her in through the ER for her to detox. We did some more research on guided her to go into a treatment facility that had a long term program. She has now been in Adult Teen Challenge in Minneapolis MN for the past 3 months. The program treats Body, Mind and Spirit. She has lift again in her eyes. She has Hope! We know she is an addict and she'll be an addict the rest of her life - this is a life long disease. BUT she doesn't have to relaps. With skills, tools, knowledge and hope I believe her journey is on track. I would recommend this facility to everyone that needs help. It's a journey that the involves all of the family members. God Bless you all.

Kim

12/25/2014 10:26:51 am

I found this site yesterday afternoon after a trying few hours with my 20 year old son, who is an addict. I don't know what he uses, but have been told by friends that it includes: party drugs, opiates, heroin, coke...and the list goes on. He showed me his track marks yesterday and his face has marks all around his mouth and nose. He has been in and out of treatment for the last four years or so...I have truly forgotten how long this hell has been going on. A few days ago we were called at 3:30 in the morning to some girls screaming that he is bleeding and needs help; then he showed up at our door. Calling 911 brought the police, paramedics to check a bloody hand, and woke up our 12 year old daughter. He ended up spending the next day in the hospital but was released because "he was just fine." "Just fine"?!....he flipped out at a party after doing drugs (he tested positive for several different drugs at the hospital), punched through a window (cutting his hand), choked his girlfriend and went after people with a broken bottle. I did not want him at our home Christmas morning, too much chaos and I needed some alone time with my husband and daughter....he kept calling and asking for money. I told him he could come over later to go to the relatives. He ended up not coming for Christmas at all and is refusing to answer my phone calls/messages. I am at a loss of what to do anymore. I have read through many of your messages - it helps to know that I am not alone, but scares me that this will probably continue for the rest of his life. I have suggested going back for treatment; he told me that the majority of people that he lived with in the halfway house (who did want sobriety) are dead....so why bother ? He can do it himself...he is fine....I am going crazy with worry. Any ideas, suggestions ? Should I attempt to go through court to force treatment ? He is also dealing, and with a forced treatment they will go get him from his home-
I don't know who lives with him, but if there are other dealers there then that means they would be arrested-which opens my family up to retaliation. Any help ?????

Alice

12/25/2014 11:47:21 am

Kim,
My heart breaks for you and your family. My daughter was always sorry and felt ashamed for what she was doing. Drugs are like demons that take over and are not controled. I don't think your son can stop without help, its a hard journey even with help. Most states have laws where you can commit someone through the ER if they show they are trying to harm themselves. Hospitals also have social workers you can call and talk with to see what your options are. Tell your son you love him and want to help him. See if your area has a detox center for him to go to. My daughter didn't have insurance and needed to go through the county to get Medical Assistence, and they were also a resource for in patient addition centers. She went into three 30 day treatments within one year. She says now looking back she felt hopless so she just kept using. She knew then she would die because of drugs and each time she spoke to us she felt like it was her last goodbye to us. Desperate and alone she finally agreed to go into a long term treatment. Another resource I reached out to was the treatment center. I called to ask questions and they were more then helpful to walk me through the process. I can't say enough positive things about the MN Adult Teen Challenge. I have listen to stories from those that are there now and they have LIFE in there eyes, hope in their soul. They come from all over United States. I pray your son will hear the love of your voice and allow you to assist him with direction. Remember his mind is of a child, the Nero Transmitters have been fried. The good news is that they'll grow back but it takes about a year to recover. Right now he doesn't have the skill for cognitive thinking and isn't able to make good choices or decissions. Thoughts and prayers from a mom thats walking through the same journey.

Kim

12/26/2014 11:50:52 am

Alice,
Thank you for responding. I spoke with our family and my son's closest friend. Everyone is ready to do an intervention and I have sent a message to Teen Challenge. My son confided in his friend that he is thinking that he needs to go into treatment...this is the first time EVER that those words have left his mouth. We keep praying and try to have hope. This has been a very hard journey for everyone and it is so difficult to see your child suffering. We have learned a lot about addiction over the years, and that helps a little. Please keep us in your thoughts and we will do the same.

Alice

12/30/2014 04:00:51 am

Kim, It is a very hard journey. A recent book I read was called 'Beautiful Boy'. It was helpful for me. Also, don't hesitate to call and talk with them at teen challenge, they're great. Take care.

Kim

1/4/2015 11:10:42 am

Hi Alice (and everyone else on this site)
The difficult road continues. My son keeps calling to ask for money. His reasons vary from not having food to needing gas for his car. He is really unstable and we are not comfortable having him come over-my 12 year old daughter is terrified of him. I have called to find support groups and have talked to several counselors. I have sent him information on who to call...but he still isn't ready. My other struggle is that he is dealing and involved with some scary people- I would turn him in but am so afraid of what could happen to our family. There are days that I cope and then others (like today) that I break down. I don't want anything bad to happen, but it has been 5 long years already- the thought of this continuing is overwhelming. It helps to vent and share this with others....to know that I am not alone. I pray for guidance and strength for my son and family, and everyone else going through this same situation. Thanks for listening.

Alice

1/5/2015 05:46:05 am

Kim,
Here's a difficult fact that I learned. A drug addicts brain function is at the age of when they started using. Your 20 year old son can only think and make choices of a 15 year old child. You wouldn't expect a 15 year old to make phone calls to follow up on a medical condition or call to talk with a councilor. What would you do to get a 15 year old medical help? It's going to be difficult to do but right now he's alive, if he continues to use, he'll die. If you continue to give him money he'll continue to use and you're only funding his habit. These are painful words but I've been there. I would suggest you contact a facility and see what they would suggest as your first step. It maybe to contact the county for an assesment or to have him admitted through the ER. In all your effort to try to get him through this you can only do so much. For your own mental health and your family if he refuses help you may need to completely let go. (Easier said then done). You'll need to except this is his future but it doesn't have to be yours. Let him know your there for him only when he's ready to get help otherwise seperate your family from his ciaos. Be open with family and friends and try to find things that would bring you joy. Take care.

Susan

1/9/2015 05:07:56 am

Kim,
My husband and I have a 22 year old son who has been an addict for 3 years. He broke his foot the summer after his senior year in high school and had to have 2 screws put in. The foot doctor kept giving him vicodin and we didn't know he was going to develop into an addict from this. Beforehand, he was happy, active in boyscouts (he is an eagle scout), was very musically talented on the trumpet taking lessons from the principal trumpet player out of the Houston symphony. After the breaking of the foot, he started hanging out with kids with problems. It started slowly. He would go with these people with the idea that he was helping them with their problems but it took him spiraling down. We would come home from vacations finding out wild parties were at our house. He would deny and say we had nothing to complain about because everything was cleaned up. This is when I started to become enraged. I felt totally violated. The last two years just got worse. He went to Memorial Hermann Rehab for 90 days in Houston and everyone loved him there. Little did we know he was already planning to get with the old gang when he got home. He did start a fire fighting academy but missed one too many days. They let him go and told him to come back next semester. At that point he had gone to meth and it has been a roller coaster. He got involved with long time drug dealers and started stealing checks from us, he hocked all kinds of things in our house including his very expensive trumpet and my husband's wedding ring. While this was going on I was spending a lot of time with my dad who has dimensia (my mother passed away in March of this year). My dad lives 2 hours away so I stay with him 2 weeks at a time. My husband would be gone while all of the hocking was going on. Three months ago he stole checks again in our locked filing cabinet. At this point we filed and prosecuted him with the police department. We are waiting for him to be arrested.
I'm telling you all of this because I know how you feel. I've cried so much there are no more tears. He has become manipulator, con artist, thief and liar. It's hard to get to the point where you can admit this.
He was raised in the church and we have always been very active teaching him right from wrong, but now he is grown. It gets to the point you have to let go. We did get a very good lawyer for him who is going to get him into a jail/rehab program for a year. Hopefully that will turn him around. We have done everything possible for him.
Our younger son Michael is 21 years old and is living in Houston working and doing extremely well. It has taken an extreme toll on him. He loves his brother but hates the way he has treated us.
When you think you have it really bad, it is good to hear other stories. For me, it has been an awful year. My mother passed away, our company went bankrupt and we had to file bankruptcy with the company and personally. Our house has been on the market since May of 2014 and we just found out we have to put a new roof on and have the structure of the house looked at for a new buyer to have it insured with a windstorm certificate. The way we get through all of this is reading our bible daily and going to church leaving everything at the feet of God. I hope and pray your son will find peace and contentment in his soul and mind and you and your family also.

Kim

1/12/2015 09:35:18 am

Susan,
I am so sorry for all that you are experiencing in your life. My mom passed away 2 years ago...it is so difficult to go through this without her (my support and best friend). We do the best we can each day....try to find some happiness and joy in each day, as difficult as it may be. I will pray for your son and family. God bless.

lisa link

1/7/2015 06:19:07 am

I too have a 23 year old son addicted to heroin.he is currently in jail waiting on a bed for long-term. Hes done two 30 programs .this is the hardest thing I've ever had to go threw .i could go on and on about his struggle!! As crazy as it seems I'm glad to read im not alone in this helps me keep hope .please pray for my son donovan

Alice

1/7/2015 06:27:10 am

Hi Lisa,
It is a VERY hard journey. My daughter has been in two 30 day rehabs, several out patient groups and now she's in a long term program with MN Adult Teen Challenge. What a wonderful program for both men and women. I'm a praying mom too, don't loose hope in the fact that God can do anything. A great book I recently read was called 'Beautiful Boy'. Every parent of an addict should read it. I hope you can take time to focus on your own journey in lift and allow your son to learn from his own journey~even if it's hard.

Kim

1/12/2015 09:26:41 am

Hello again to all of the mom's who have been sharing your struggles with me. I have finally come to the end of my rope and have decided to begin the process of having my son involuntarily committed. Two days last week of calling the police due to suicidal threats; one lost day of work (again); he is hanging out with someone who has just been released from a correctional facility (don't know the reason why); he is attempting to come off of the heroin on his own by buying soboxone off the street; he is cutting again; the list goes on and on. He did come over the other night to watch a movie and have dinner. Things were going great until he asked for money...needed cigarettes, chocolate milk and cookies. I said "no" but would take him to the store; the truth then came out that it was for soboxone. I dialed a treatment center and handing him the phone. He did talk with someone, but of course did not allow me to take him. He left with a few dollars of change for a couple of cigarellos and that's all. I called another facility, gave them his name and our insurance info....then sent my son the phone number. Instead of allowing this insanity to continue, it would be easier for me to petition the courts. I have also learned through weekend meetings at one of the rehab centers he was at that "yes" indeed the brain stops developing when the drugs begin. If the courts decide on treatment, then he will have the time to detox and maybe his brain can begin to repair itself. I also spoke to the police for awhile today - this petition/courts spell out what will happen if he doesn't comply (probably jail time). I know this is harsh, but he is also destroying other families by dealing. I told him five years ago that if I ever found out that he began dealing that I would turn him in. This is a horrible decision for a parent to have to make...but one I cannot put off any longer.
I read "Beautiful Boy" a few years ago when all of this began. It was difficult to get through but affirmed my feelings. I am now reading "Tweak" (written by the son of the man who wrote "Beautiful Boy") - my son also told me that I needed to read "Tweak" to truly understand what he is going through. It is breaking my heart. I am trying to understand, but really can't. I am his mom and am going to try to keep him alive a little bit longer (again) so maybe that he can see how beautiful he is. I believe in him and hope that he will believe in himself eventually.
I pray for all of you, your children and families. It helps to know that there are others to turn to for support. God bless.

Becca

3/4/2015 04:22:50 am

Just found this website and the comments resonate with me. I am so heartbroken. My 25 year old son is a Herron addict. He has been sober, working, and supporting himself for the past two years. He came home for a visit and last night...all the evidence that he's relapsed. I simply don't know what to do. I feel like I'm being held hostage by his addiction. He doesn't want to go to rehab. I can't have drugs in my home. I know he has to make a decision and it's his decision. My heart is breaking and I am so scared for him. Thank you for this site. At least others here know what I'm feeling.

Teresa

3/15/2015 02:11:19 am

I also just found this website. The words of others are the same ones for me, the lies, the hurt, the many attempts to help & offer change. I don't understand how to move forward & be happy, maybe its not possible yet. I know I am depressed and grieving. My dream for my son. It effects every area of my life. At work, to say I'm fine when I'm not, with friends or family, same thing. No one really wants to hear it. I get that. I am searching out other ways to find peace. So, I am here, to say that this pain is beyond anything I have ever experienced. I know God. I know His healing power & I need His help. I read that I am not alone. When I say that I understand, I do..hospital visits, rehab, door bell ringing at 11pm, law enforcement looking for him....my son is a homeless drug addict, jewelry- stolen, tools- taken & sold, can't hold a job, I could say more, one day is a little bit good, the next day, hopeless & helpless..may God bring us peace...

Linda

4/21/2015 09:16:37 am

Teresa , I have to ditto everything you said . Only Im asking god why are you turning your back on me and my son ? My son will be 30 in a few weeks , he is homeless walked out of rehab a few days ago , panhandling im sure to get his heroine and food and motel , I wish people would stop handing out money to panhandlers , I spoke to his ex recovery counsler and told me point blank that more then likely I will end up burying him because he is a chronic addict and doesnt want help . So where so I go for help know one knows , its the parents that are now left to weap and be scared while the self obsorbed addicts continue to live ( if you call that living ) I wish all of us serenity.

cindy

5/17/2015 04:50:58 pm

Son is back on heroin, though that this crap was over.I am lost.Dont know what to do.how much more can i ttake.my other kids dont understand. Just dont know how much more i can handle

stew

6/15/2015 05:13:20 am

My 22 year old son is back in rehab for the 5th time. This time he admitted himself, but I can't seem to feel good about that. My wife and I are struggling with the fact that he will be released at some point. The rehab is across the country and once he is out of the program do I send him a plane ticket to come home or do I leave him in Florida?

Desiree

7/5/2016 04:08:03 pm

DO NOT let him come home. Relocation is the best thing for you and him. We tried many many times. Our son is 35 incarcerated again in and out for 8 years mostly in. We are broke . Sick . Depressed. Don't do it. They use over

Babz link

6/25/2015 05:44:28 am

26 almost 27 stuck to a 29 year old addict, homeless, jobless - lost the kids - "gonna do it "their" way, how come their way includes mine and everyone else's time money worry ................. the waiting for them to select help /treatment is torture.. last time you speak will it be hateful - see more bones in their bodies poking out from lack of food. The smell, what is that smell, filth drugs, starvation, desperation? I carry wipes and sanitizer.

help is available

7/19/2015 12:13:36 am

I just found out that my two sons are addicted to heroin (smoking). One for a year and the other for 9 months or so. One begin using pills and went to heroin because it was cheaper after he lost his job. The other started doing it with his stepbrother who has been addicted for a few years to various drugs. I knew something was wrong but I did not expect this and was completely shocked by it. We don't have any addiction in our family (my side) their dad's side has had a problem with medications and my boys have been living at their dads because I would not allow them to stay with me without jobs and a plan to move out. Their dad is addicted to some substances but I am not sure what (based on my recent dealings with him), I have been giving them money to help them with things and now I know it was supporting their habit (gas, pay cell phone bill, etc.) My boys have been good kids and they told me a lot of things (I am sure not everything) about what they have been doing, they also came clean to their friends about what they have been doing. They said they tried detoxing on their own and just could not do it because of the pain. The good news is that they said they could not go on living like they were (they got kicked out from their dads house - not a good place at all - about three weeks ago and have been living out of a car). They asked for help to fight their addiction and I reached out to someone who helps people get into treatment. The good news is they are in detox now (I dropped them off yesterday) and will be going straight into a long term treatment afterwards. I am very concerned about what the future holds for them. I know it is up to them to get clean. I am hoping that the fact that they came clean and told me what they were doing and asked for help and went willingly is a good sign but I don't want to be naive. They have no possessions only a car and they gave that up yesterday that they used to get their drugs and do their drugs in, which told me that they were ready to start to get healthy (my son took out a loan on his paid for car to feed his habit and to live). I am hopeful because they were saying all of the right things and they said they can't go on the way that they are living. they know that it will result in death or jail and they don't want either. They were arrested for possession a week ago and let go and the four or five hours in jail scared them. I told them that I would help them get clean by taking them to detox and rehab but if they did not do it that I would not help them use. If anyone can give me any advice about supporting them, for instance i know not to give them money but what about taking them to eat or getting a cell phone so that i can talk with them?. They will be going into treatment after detox and even said they would leave the state to go into a up to 2 year program to get their lives back. They are only 25 & 27. thank you for your advice. I know it will be a long road, i don't have much support so I am going through this on my own.

Pat

8/12/2016 04:34:59 pm

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. The constant worry, sadness, helpless feeling is always tearing at your soul.

Cindy

8/19/2016 02:00:04 am

I'm laying bed reading all the comments, unable to sleep, because last night, after 7 years of drug use of one kind or another, most of which I was unaware of and has now turned to heroin, I sent my daughter to a hotel for the night with an ultimatum that she come back remorseful, apologetic and ready to get help. She cannot do this alone despite what she thinks. She says she's a responsible user. Bullshit. There is no such thing to an addict. For 7 years she has been a constant thought and worry in my head. I cannot remember the last time I slept through the night my phone never leaves my side because it might be her or the police calling me in the night telling me she's dead. She is so smart, beautiful, and could accomplish anything she set out. Unfortunately she chose to be an addict and has accomplished that very well. I realize now I have enabled her habit for 7 years. She is now 20 years old. Her dad and I are divorced and he lives overseas. I am remarried but to an absolute Saint but he cannot understand in the same way a true parent can. He does not remember her the way I do. She says she has never been comfortable around her family, in her home, other people since she was 7 years old. My heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest when she said that. I cannot help but think something terrible happened to her. She says drugs have mostly done nothing bad and have helped her through depression and anxiety. I see nothing but negativity in her life. She has no friends, just other drug users, she has almost no relationship with her family, her habit has put her dad and I almost in financial ruin, she can't finish college, she's going no where in life, she's unhappy. She needs help that I cannot give her. I will never lose hope and I will always love and support her but no more financially or under my roof. I have made a counseling appointment for myself but it isn't until next week and I'm spiraling out of control myself. I have kept this all secret from almost everyone including my parents and as I said earlier, I am doing this almost totally as a single parent practically. It's beginning to take its toll to the point I also need to seek help before I go down a similar road. I struggle with if I'm doing the right thing even though I know I am. I've rehearsed what I'm going to say tomorrow morning when she comes back over and over and I lay here in bed crying while my husband sleeps next to me. I was raised in a Christian household but as an adult lapsed in my faith. I've found myself praying, begging really, for God to help us. I fear she has much farther to fall before she's ready. You can hear in her voice and see in her face she isn't there yet. I hope the shock of going from being a pampered child with all the money she needs, all the toys, and a paid for college education to going to living in the streets or on someone's couch will wake her up. I hope and pray her wake up call isn't her death. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. No parent should ever have to go through this. How am I supposed to get through even one hour of this let alone a lifetime?

8/19/2016 05:19:57 am

Cindy,
I read your post, I posted about a year ago about my two sons. I am not an expert in this only a parent that has been through a similar story. My two boys were heroin addicts and I had my head in the sand that something was going on. Taking drugs is a way to numb emotional pain and what I found out that both of my boys had issues that they never dealt with. I never suspected that they were addicts and it was a shock to me. I was helping them unknowingly to remain an addict by "helping" them. Your daughter will not get help until she hits her rock bottom, you cannot make her go to treatment, want treatment or stop using. It is a fact, unfortunately your love cannot solve this problem. She has to want it herself and the best thing that you can do is to tell her that the only help you will give her is to get her into treatment. I am no expert and i know too much about this now that both of my boys have been going through this. The good news is that there is hope if she wants to get clean. It sounds like she has something that she cannot deal with that she is using the drugs to numb. My younger son felt the same way and it turned out that he never felt loved by his father and unfortunately I could not give him enough love to fix that. My suggestion is that you tell your daughter that you are done, you will not help her anymore unless she gets treatment. it will be the most painful thing that you have to do BUT if you continue to help her she will only stay a drug addict because she has resources. You need to get into counseling to help you deal with this. I had to do the same thing and it helped me tremendously, I was not only dealing with this but also the death of my mother, and a lot of other things that made me feel like I was having a nervous breakdown. As far as treatment, make sure she has medical insurance. Use your money towards a good insurance that will get her the treatment she needs, she will have to detox and go into a good place. Do not go somewhere that demands a lot of money, it is hard to find a good place so do your research, it may be good to send her somewhere out of your environment. What state are you in? Lastly there is hope, my two boys went into treatment willingly and my oldest has been clean for a year, rents a room and recently got all of his court issues fixed, he is happy and has hope. My younger went in and out of treatment several times but I never let him think that he could come back and live with me or that i would support that and he is in a great place and is now 8 months clean and working a part time job and has also taken care of his court issues. It is not easy and your love cannot fix this. You have to be willing to let her go and know that you cannot fix it. Get counseling, talk to god and let him take care of it. I have never been an over religious person but god has helped me through this. I began to ask him for help when I was at my lowest and although there are no guarantees it is no up to me whether or not my kids return to drugs. I love them but nothing that i do will make them stay clean. My love and support is to their continued recovery. Get help for yourself and talk to your parents, they need to know because your daughter is likely asking them for resources and you do not want anyone to give her money or this will continue. She has to be ready. Sorry for the long response but I saw your post and wanted to try to give you some advice whatever it is worth. I will pray for you and your daughter.

How To Love Your Drug-Addicted Adult Child

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