Isn't it the craziest thing: the circumstances from which we learn (oh, how we learn!) to take some small measure of peace. You did the hard thing and the right thing, my friend. May this day bring blessings your way.
Thank you for the website. Well, my adult daughter just called me "a piece of s___ mother". Happy mother's day. I feel pretty good about it, because it means I did not bail her out and therefore the response. It is funny, but it feels way better than feeling like I goofed again and did something that is not helpful, like fix things for her. I tell you, this is one weird journey! - S
Isn't it the craziest thing: the circumstances from which we learn (oh, how we learn!) to take some small measure of peace. You did the hard thing and the right thing, my friend. May this day bring blessings your way.
My 28 year old daughter is finally, finally showing signs of wanting to be sober. The problem is, she's been to two inpatient rehabs and now wants to do the intensive outpatient program at The Peak Hospital in NM, but there are no places for her to stay. I've tried roommates.com, shelters (they usually
have drugs in them), small furnished studio apartments (they rarely come furnished), rooms for rent, sober living houses (there were none), hotels (my savings is almost gone).
Does anyone have any ideas or have heard of any place that has a definite psych aspect (her insurance is tired of paying for rehab so
we have to get her in under psych) that has dormitories, sober living, etc. attached to the hospital intensive outpatient program? We keep running into this problem. - Susie
I have been back on this site tonight reading all the posts; it has been several months since I have visited. Things are very much the same for us: my daughter is still addicted to drugs and we still have custody of our
granddaughter (she will turn 9 years old in just a few days). I have adjusted to this new life as a "parent" and daily life is much easier. I no longer cry every day which is really nice! I have come to accept "what is" and no longer try to change the behavior of my adult daughter. I see her with new eyes, full of compassion but no longer believe the lies she tells or the false hopes she used to feed me. Even though this is not the life I would have chosen for myself (I still dream of retiring!) this is the life I have and we are making it work. I am no longer in that dark place that first overtakes the parent of an addict. Life does go on and while I wish my sweet daughter was with me in this journey, I know that I have the best part of her living right under my roof and I am doing my level best to give her daughter a better life.
I sent this quote to my daughter, with no real hope that she'll see it, and thought that some of you might enjoy it:
"It's never too late to be who you might have been."
Blessings and peace and prayers go out to you all on this site. The fear of loving an addict can be paralyzing and can cause us to go insane ourselves.
I am learning to feel my fear and let it wash over me. It does not kill me, and by allowing it to come, instead of spending all day every
day holding it at bay, I feel more peace, serenity and contentment.
My son is a 24.5 year old addict. He is homeless and living on the street in the
town where I live. He got out of jail Friday night. Since that time I have had to set increasingly tough boundaries with him, including telling him I will get a restraining order if he comes here, calls, texts or fb messages me as he has been---continuously. I will only talk with him on Saturday by phone between 10 a.m. and 11 a.m. for 10 minutes. If he starts asking me for anything, I will
get off the phone and I will not accept a call again until the following Saturday.
I have gotten to this place inch by inch over the past 4 years. It has been four years of very, very painful times and lots of
suffering. Not just pain, but suffering. I have allowed myself to suffer, and today, I am making incredible progress on still feeling the pain and recognizing that pain, but stopping my own suffering.
I am doing that through the hard, hard work of recovery---one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time.
Al-Anon has literally saved my life over the past four years. I attend multiple meetings each week, talk to others by phone, read the
literature and write in a journal. I also read and write on this site, and I read and write at conductdisorders.com.
I pray. I meditate. I exercise. I work hard. I go to church. I try to do things for other
people. I write down a gratitude list. I say the Serenity Prayer. I read light fiction. I take bubble baths. I am kind to myself.
Life is what we make it. If we focus on good things, we will feel better.
Even if. Even if. Even if.
We cannot control another human being. Even as much as we want to. Even as painful as it is. Even as much as we love them. Even if they choose to die.
I have finally accepted this. I love my son so very much, and I can't control him or influence him at all.
I know this because I tried every single thing known to modern man and suggested by anyone for years and years. NONE of it worked. NONE of it.
I was also destroying myself as he was destroying himself.
Today, I am choosing a different path. It is
very hard. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life.
I have to use all of the tools I listed every single day in order to keep walking the path. Some days are harder than others. Some days are really hard. Most days---more and more days---are good.
I pray that each of you can start on the path of change. It is a spiritual journey.
Blessings to you today. I wish your hurting hearts some relief. - Terri
My 19 year old son….I believe he is on heroin…Has been doing a variety of drugs since he was 16. I am afraid he will die. His friends shuffle him around so he can't be found. I am Praying he gets locked up in jail. I wish there was some kind of treatment center that would take him on an involuntary basis. I don't think he will see his 21st birthday. Please God help us. - Michael
Your anguish touches all our hearts, Michael, as we share and know it well. I believe you’re on the right track with your prayerful plea, since one of the hardest things we parents have to learn is that our children’s lives are in the hands of a higher power, not in ours.
Perhaps it will also help you to learn that many addicts go through rehab after rehab, often decade after decade, before reaching that unknowable moment when they’re able to finally decide “enough”. I know they don’t all make it, but surprisingly many do. And I haven’t yet heard of anyone who, forced into rehab, was able to then achieve lifetime sobriety.
To all of you finding this website for the first time: read “Broken” by Wm Cope Moyers and“Clean” by David Scheff - it truly helps to become educated in this subject we’d never have thought to study in school. At
least, it helped me. ~ Cheryl
This was accidently posted under "grandchildren" and therefore probably not noticed by many, so I'm re-posting it here.
This disease controls everyone in their lives. My son is only 22. Approx 2 years ago is when all hell broke loose in my household: he came home high and with another large dent in his truck. Before this disease took him away he had everything: a lot of love, a nice warm house, food in his stomach, and never needed to feel alone. But all that changed. He
started stealing from us, became verbally abusive to me when my husband was gone, stopped following house rules and was just all over hateful. We got him help in rehab facility but he went back to drugs right away. We have tried everything within reason to help him but as we ALL know, they need to find their own path. Every time we contacted him he would become verbally abusive because we wouldn't give him what he wanted, so he would leave and blame us for the drugs. I finally made one of the hardest decisions of my life by kicking him out, but he kept knocking at the door and begging for help, saying "I’ve changed" but it was all a lie. My husband and I moved out of state to start our own lives, in hopes that distance would help him to take care of himself. Well as far as I know he is living on the streets begging for money. This is the hardest because as a mom we always wonder if he is warm, starving, using more and more drugs. He told us doing drugs is the only way to survive on streets.
Now he just started asking us if he can come and live with us!! My husband wants to give him a chance if he can prove he isn't taking drugs anymore and has been seeing a counselor. I can't do it. I feel selfish but every time he calls my husband (he doesn't have my number) I get physically sick, withdrawn and consumed by him. Just
when I start to get my life in order he calls and I go into anxiety and depression and can’t stop thinking about him to the point of causing marital problems. He chose this life; we didn't force him to leave his once comfortable place with family. I just hope
I'm doing the right thing. We have always clashed and I can't physically and
psychologically have him in my life. Can anyone please confirm or disagree with
my decision? I am always open to suggestions. THANK YOU EVERYONE for letting us vent. Writing down our thoughts is
a positive tool to help us heal - Kath
As we struggle to somehow maintain ourselves within the calamity of drug-addicted children, I would share with you some of the
resources I’ve been gifted with and which nourish me:
Anne Lamott published a new booklet “Help Thanks Wow - the three essential prayers”. I bet you’ll love it. It greatly helped my daily life.
“Clean ” by David Scheff is a book I’ve twice borrowed from the library and am now finally buying - because I keep going back to it for information. It’s a wealth of collected current knowledge about drug addiction,
treatment, and research.
Take care of yourselves, dear fellow parents. ~ Cheryl
I am so happy I found your website. I, too, am facing an adult child (Jenn..daughter) who is an addict...She is now 30 and lives with her boyfriend, age 26 who is also an addict. She was an addict for 3 years in her teens and
got clean. The story is much worse. I have a grandson age 5 and a granddaughter age 2 who are now there. I am heart sick and feel like screaming in their faces. I have been through this before and will not go through it again. I am going to Celebrate Recovery to improve my co-dependence with my daughter. I just recently found out they are doing pot and possibly cocaine. I have been
praying that God will help me not lose my mind because of my grandchildren. I am looking for support as I try to figure it all out. I am still in shock that they would do this while having children. Please get back in touch with me. I am at my wit's end.
Thank you - Terry P
Terri says: I ran across this and it has helped me. Maybe it will help you as well.
To "let go" does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.
To "let go" is not to cut myself off; it's the realization I can't control another.
To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To "let go" is not to be protective; it's to permit another to face reality.
To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To "let go" is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try and become what I dream I can be."
To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To "let go" is to fear less and love more.
Thank you, Terri ~ Cheryl
We have a 21 year old son living 3 hours away from home. He was diagnosed as BiPolar/substance abuser. He is on 3 meds: depakote seroquel and hydroxyzine. We noticed him taking 5-7 hydroxyzine at a time when label says 2-4. We then searched his backpack and saw seroquel was missing. Hadn't been on it for 6 days while home visiting. He threw a fit because we searched out what he was on. He denies he drinks or smokes pot anymore, since he went
manic and was hospitalized in Oct. ( not true) He says we have "no right" to search his room when he comes home, or where he is living, or his backpack. We PAY for everything. He took this semester off because of hospitalization, but will resume college in Jan. He is especially hateful toward me. We have huge arguments. I want to know just how far people go with searching for paraphernalia, meds, prescriptions, etc with adult children whom they are completely financing. I feel like we have the right to search anything we want since he denies his substance abuse and we are financing him. It has been hell. Any advice? Should we force rehab and stop paying if he can't be clean? That is what we are thinking of doing. - Deb
I found out about my 19 year old daughter's heroin addiction just before Thanksgiving this year. She spent 3 days in a psych. crisis unit and then started outpatient rehab with an addiction psychiatry office. Her boyfriend is also an addict and I have been trying to help him as well. He has been struggling with heroin addiction for 3 years. Today I found messages on my computer, between her boyfriend and other people, in which they discussed getting drugs and getting high etc and getting the money from my daughter. In
addition, I found two syringes in the bedroom. I confronted them both and he attempted to deny it all and my daughter defended him. I made him leave and my daughter chose to go with him. She left a note for me that read "you are the reason I get high". I am so sad and feel so empty inside, I blame myself for not recognizing her addiction sooner as she has not been herself for a few years now. She has been continuously rude and disrespectful to me, alternating sadness and rage for years and I just hoped it was a passing phase. I took her to counseling and at times things seemed to be better but most often it wasn't. I can so relate to the passage about grieving the expectations you have for a child as my daughter is beautiful and bright. She started nursing school and ended up quitting and then started hanging with the most awful people. I still see her as my baby; I want to make it all better but I feel helpless as she is an adult that makes her own choices. I am so confused trying to find a balance between supporting her and enabling her. Any help that other parents can give me is so appreciated. I feel so alone with this. I have been divorced from her father, who is not involved at all, for 14 years and my family would never understand. - Amanda
I have a son that is 39 years old and has been on drugs and alcohol since he was 13 years old. I have been an enabler for years also and I just don't know how to stop! He has been in jail several times and this last time I thought maybe he would get some help from the courts in a small town that he was arrested in
because they told me they would send him to rehab but when the time came they just released his case instead and let him go free! He has a 6 year old daughter that is the love of my life but his ex has now decided not to let us see her anymore. I am at my wits end!
I have asked my son not to come home for Christmas....hardest thing I've done for a while, especially as he can’t go to his dad’s as he has a retraining order out on him. My other children are coming home, but as he has caused so much trouble within the family this year in one way or another and in particular recently stealing from my own Mother, who will also be here, I could not allow him to spoil Christmas for everyone else. I decided that I can't control or cure him but I can control what goes on in my house and I decided that I had to do this for the sake of everyone else.
This is not the way it should be for any of us,
but it is, and we must do what we have to to survive and cope. - Carol
We are a community of parents of drug addicts. We are of many nationalities and many faiths. We take our cue from AA in that we sometimes refer to a “higher power”, but we do not seek to influence each other’s beliefs in any way.
Prayer is a private communion between us and our high power; it's not acceptable to write your prayers here on this website.
I don't interfere with your freedom of expression in the comments because I’m so glad you’re using this tool to communicate and share! The only time I exercise the power of the delete button is on curses and prayers. I apologize for any offense this causes.
Please take extra good care of yourselves during this dark time of the year. Add light to your lives in any way you can!
Written with love ~ Cheryl
We find ourselves struggling with how to love our drug addicted grown children. We fear, or experience, our love for them diminished or destroyed by their actions through the years.
I want to share with you some words that exploded my previously held beliefs about love and started me on a path to wholeness of spirit I hadn’t known was possible.
By our own power we do nothing: even in loving, it is Love that loves through us.
So love isn’t something we have to do or create; Love is! We thought it was our responsibility, so it became our burden. Yet all
we truly need do is keep ourselves open - to life, to possibilities, and to Love loving through us.
I hope this helps some of you, as it greatly helped me. ~ Cheryl
"Living life fully means not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance between the raindrops." Diana Yu
Words to live by (above) and folks needing support (below) ~ Cheryl
I have a twenty-six year old daughter, married, with a beautiful three year-old daughter from a previous relationship. She has been addicted to Xanax since she was 18 years old. She has been arrested a few times has been through detox twice and rehab once. We are taking care of our granddaughter, but worry endlessly that her ex will take her away. We worry sick about our daughter who we fear is using again. We try to be supportive, but how can we make her stay clean? There is no answer because of course, we can't. Please just talk to me ...thank you and God bless. - Rosselle
I need someone to talk to about how to handle my 27 year old son's heroin addiction. I am just lost and I feel that I am alone and have no one to talk to. Please help me. I am losing my mind with worry. - Kim
This morning I read some inspiring words that I want to share with you. The speaker is a
woman who had cancer, and she’s referring to recurrent fear, i.e. the fear that the cancer will return and kill you.
She says: “I remember the day I was standing in my kitchen, and I had this thought, and it completely freaked me out: If one day my cancer returns, and I’ve spent several years doing nothing but having anxiety about the possibility of recurrence, what an incredible waste of my life that would be.
It was a miraculous insight. It freed me from anxiety when I realized I just wanted to live my life to the fullest."
singer/songwriter Jennifer Kelly
Though our fears are of the death of our addicted child/children, her words move me deeply. I know that some of you are dealing with anxiety disorders, depression, and illness brought on by the stress of our lives as parents of addicts. I offer you the words of this woman, who’s decided to NOT live in fear, in hope that they may nurture you as much as they do me. ~ Cheryl
I too have a 28 year old daughter who has been addicted to heroin for over 5 years now. I had to finally kick her out of the house because she has robbed us blind. After 30 years of marriage , the only jewelry I now have left is the wedding ring on my finger. She has lied so many times and I have finally learned what a master manipulator she has become. My husband drove her yet again to rehab, but we found out yesterday that she walked out a week ago and no one bothered to tell us! I understand she is an adult, but the counselor could have called and told us. As of this moment we have no idea where she is or with whom. (She was staying with another addict who beats her and has held a gun to her head.) She has stopped calling, because I believe she is angry that we told her she had to leave. Where do we go from here??????? I cannot sleep because of the horrible nightmares that come every time I close my eyes. I am afraid to answer the door fearing the worst, when someone finally comes to tell me to please come to the morgue to identify my daughter. This is a horrible way for any parent to live, and I can only imagine the awful life my daughter has chosen for herself. This is the toughest thing I have ever had to do as a parent. - Diana
Odd thing is, Diana, that our greatest fear often ends up not happening: no calls from the morgue to identify our heroin addicted daughters. Somehow they go on living a life that seems unbelievably horrible to us, their mothers; we can hardly fathom how they manage to stay alive. And yet they do.
And so we come to the time when we need to once again do what we did when we first
discovered our womanhood: pick up the reins to our own, our very own life, and figure out what we are - in addition to being mother to a heroin addict. It's one heck of a challenge, and it's absolutely crucial that we take that challenge on.
This website is one result of my taking on the challenge to figure out what I am - I, who
thought I was the ultimate mother! Guess what: turns out that I'm more than a mother - such a surprise ;-) And I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that, five years from now, you're going to look back to the woman you are right now with astonishment and with wry delight, knowing you've evolved in ways you never could have predicted.
My heart aches, I don't know where to turn. He needs so much help but thinks he can outsmart me every time. I want to run and quit loving him and I just can't. - Kim
Found your site looking for help with my step-daughters...WHAT does one do when a
biological parent has taught, encourages and coaxes the adult child in addiction? CAN anything be done but wait? - Heather
My 50 year old daughter has been self detoxing since she was 13 and first overdosed on Valium. She is in jail for ignoring a court date related to a drug charge in which she forged a prescription for Hydrocodone and was caught. This was in 2010. The case has been continued until yesterday when we all learned when the sheriffs showed up that she did not make her last court appearance.
She is frail. She is skin and bones. She probably has a number of physical ailments related to her habit. She is the mother of a beautiful and bright 19 year old daughter who has had a fragile relationship with her mother all her life. I hesitate going to see her and I know that her husband probably will pay the bail which is $2000 to release her. Then she will go back home and the whole cycle will repeat as it has over these many years.
I don't know what to do. This website caused me to release and heave with sobs that I have not done during all these years except maybe one time. I do not know what will happen next. I am sure my daughter cannot live much longer judging from her appearance and she IS frail and is skin and bones.
But thank you for this website. It is the first time I have EVER read anything that makes sense and that I can relate to. - Carol
These are "comments" originally posted under Barn's Burnt Down which are more appropriate here:
I like this blog. It gives us a place to come and pause and breathe. My son's essence is one of a very big heart, an intelligent mind and a quirky sense of humor. He has been in rehab for 5 days now. My emotions have been on a roller coaster ride as I am piecing together how deep this rabbit hole has gone. The hardest thing for me which also feel so counterintuitive is to let him go, addiction and all. To learn how to use the pause and mute button. He is 24 and must learn all of this on his own.
In the meantime, we have ourselves. We are
given a blank canvas in the morning and with everything we do, think and feel, a painting emerges. By nightfall a full painting emerges. What does it look like? How much did we take care of ourselves? How much of us is in the painting? Love includes boundaries and I am learning these slowly. I attend Codependents
Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Al-Anon and sometimes go to AA to feel the love and connection with recovering addicts and alcoholics. I am also involved in a spiritual community doing forgiveness work. This is a big part of what I put in my picture. Don't get me wrong, this has been no cakewalk. But life is a fascinating journey. Addiction has made my canvas very dramatic at
times. It is up to me how I interpret it all, what lens I am looking for. I am here to learn and grow and thrive, in spite of everything. When I despair for my son, I go to the One and am learning to rely more heavily than before. The One for me is the light. Thank you for this blog.
I sit here with tears streaming down my face as my soul feels torn apart. My 29 year old son is an addict and just left detox after one day...i feel a sense of peace reading your stories...thank you so much... Terri
The only thing we can do is to pray for our children and mentor them by taking excellent care of ourselves, going to Al Anon, church, eating healthy, sleeping well, exercising, tending to today's tasks and turning over all of our cares to God. Get support and you will feel better day by day. That is what it is there for. They have to hit bottom before they decide to recover, they have to be ready in their own time, not ours. You can find peace in the midst of the storm. Focus on the love if you can and what you love about your child, not the gunk surrounding them. It gets better with support. - Deborah
Terri, I am so sorry. My son is 31, refuses rehab,
is facing criminal charges and would rather go to jail than rehab. He is living here is verbally abusive and breaks our heart every day. His father and I pay his attorney fees and he tells us how he hates us.
Please know I will think of you and pray for you every day starting now. Hoping you find strength to get through. God knows it is difficult, but know you are not alone. - Patt
This week with my son in treatment, well I have discovered how far down the rabbit hole he has gone. I have contacted all family members and
let them know where he is if they want to send him a card or note. There is a lot of love in our family for him. One of the things I have to face is how well I am doing in not enabling him or in what ways do I continue to enable. I have read over and over that it only delays them hitting their bottom. I know how counter intuitive it is for a parent to set firm boundaries, to learn
detachment, to allow natural consequences for what they do, but it is the only way they can get better. We cannot keep picking them up, ropping them up, rescuing them at every step, give them answers at every turn. I am talking to myself here. This is a time for reflection for me, the pause button, the mute button. They have to crash hard before they are willing and ready. You hear it over and over in meetings. It is very hard to separate the person from the disease. But we must. The disease is driving all of the bad behavior, the hiding, the lying, the lashing out. It is not the true self of your child and it is easier to see the drama over their essence. I don't mean to sound preachy, this is all I am learning in Al Anon. We love our children, but we don't want to
love them to death. - Deborah
It is refreshing to have a place to look and see that others share the burden I carry, but also find joy in the Journey. I have two adult sons that struggle with addiction. Both are in different places with one started using agian and one clean for a year. I struggle daily with enabling and
reading this has helped me to know what is enabling and what is loving. Thank you - Julie
My 34 yearold son is in detox again. I have decided to be open and honest with others about him. He is a sweet intelligent liar. I hope he
achieves sobriety this time for good. He tears my heart out. But I'm thankful for all that is good in my life. - Michelle
Tears pour down my face as I read all the stories. I feel like I know each and every one of you as I read your stories. My heart desires to say I love you all and if we were in the same room I would hug you tight and say we will be alright. We will get through this pain and we will wake up tomorrow, we will thank God for another day, and we will carry on. We will be compassionate
to parents who feel all alone the way that we once did, we will hold them tight and tell them they are given strength from the Lord above and they are not alone. I am a mother of 2 drug addicted sons, my heart is broken, I cry when I
pray to God to protect them and ask Him to give me Peace as He waits for them to surrender to His will. I find that peace every day and it gets me through the day and I smile, I laugh, and I love, and then I lay my head down to rest and I
give it back to God and He wakes me every morning with the strength I meed to carry on and He even gives me extra strength to be loving and compassionate to those who need uplifting. Peace and love to everyone of you :) - Kimera
I'm so happy to find this blog. I feel so powerless against my 28 year old's addiction to heroin. I spend so much time wondering what I did wrong. I want to help him but I don't trust a word he says. He continues to say that I am his mother and it's my job to make sure he is okay. He lies
constantly, but I continue to give him money for "other" things. He refuses to let me buy him things because he just wants the cash. Does he really think I am that stupid? I am kicking myself because I have given him money just to make the pleading and begging stop.
Thanks for all of you stories and for making me feel that I am not alone. What is this disease that is taking away all of our children? - Linda
My wife and I are pretty new to this although I guess our 31 year old has done drugs off and on for 13 the past 15 years. We have been enabling
her all that time and really never realized it till this year. The last 15 years have been lies. Last year she divorced her husband who abused her and raped her. He also introduced her to crack. Early this year she started seeing a guy who
has enabled her. He is married and started living with her and doing crack while seperated from his wife. He sucked her dry of funds and went back to his wife. In the past month he moved back in with our daughter and they are doing drugs again. My wife and I have been telling her she needs to rid herself from him if she is to be successful in kicking the habit but she gets mad at us and tells us she loves him. She has allowed him to pawn off a lot of things we bought her and
continues to lie. We have finally told her until she goes to rehab, counselling, and starts taking drug tests we don't want her around us anymore. She tells us she will never share her success with us if we abandon her in her dark moments. We have stayed the course. She was bombing my cell phone with texts and I finally blocked her although my wife didn't. Funny thing is she only contacts me and not my wife. She does send me an occassional email about a Bible verse or 2
and saying how we are sad excuses for Christians. This all is just the short version as much more has gone on. When I say we enabled her it was by paying off bills, gifts for her etc figuring she was doing ok. Little did we realize the extent till this year. She knows she can call the house of my wife's cell so she isn't totally cut off. I just don't feel like I want to be around her for the holidays (not that anyone would invite her) or at all until she can prove she is finally clean and her attitude changes. She has written and said so many hurtful things it is hard to deal with. Obviously we still love her which is why it hurts so much. Are we doing the right thing???
Thanks - Rod
I have a 22 Year old son that got out of Teen Challenge in Dec. He was in there a year. Recently he started using again. We told him if he used again he couldn’t live with us. He is now on the streets again.It’s so devastating. This journey has been such a long one for us. I don’t wanna travel with him anymore. DARN DRUG DARN HIM!! So stinking hurt. How do you go a year sober and Go right Back??
I am so lost and confused. I know I can’t help him and IT SUXS.. :( - Michele
I constantly see my 24 year old brother srtuggle every single day with the drug meth. I need some advice and I have nobody to help me with this. - Tanner
Thanks for the honest comments in this website. I have been on this road a long time with two family members (grown children now) but continuing to live off of us. It gets old but I know that my husband and I are going down the wrong road again because we are trying to help again. How painful. - Ann
My son is 23....been to rehab once, left early and is using again. - Dave
I kicked my 21yr old son out of my house last night. I found out he went back to drugs 2 mos. after getting out of rehab. I was so sure he was ready to start living a sober life and moving forward to a productive life. That was obviously
my dream, not his. Right now I feel sad, helpless and angry. I promised him that if I found out he was using any kind of drugs, I would kick him out. I kept my promise, but it still broke my heart to do it. - Lisa
Hi - I have just discovered your site. After reading all the many stories, it feels so good to know that I'm not alone.
My Son is 20 and lives with me without paying any rent or any money towards food. I hope that he will grow up soon, but how long must we live
a life of misery? - Michael.
I am sitting at work trying to concentrate and not cry but I can think of nothing but my 23 year old son who is a methamphetamine addict. His father took out a restraining order on him yesterday to get him removed from the house but it has not been served on him as yet. Our son is sleeping in his car at his father's now and his father can't make the phone call to get the police to come and serve the notice on him. My heart breaks for them both. I live 400 km away so I only get to see their chaotic lives occasionally when I visit briefly but I get daily updates. This year has been the year that the addiction grew out of control and there has been violence
between our two sons as the yonger one does not want his brother in the house while he is a drug addict. He constantly brings his mates around, they cause disruption, he breaks in if the house is locked, he has had 4 guys come looking for him at 7.00am one morning and bashed him up. He is paranoid when on the
drugs also. He has threatened his father when he is in an aggressive mood. It is a nightmare for everyone. I know this is the case for many, many people and I have been speaking to drug counsellors and been to a parent support meeting
everything helps a little. My son no longer talks to me as I wouldn't give him money last time I visited. This just doesn't feel real to me and I keep thinking I can't believe this is my son and where and when will this end? - Carol
I started reading this website and the tears came and would not stop. My beautiful smart son, a heroin addict. I know but I don't want to know the truth. The pain is unbearable. I feel so alone. I am at such a loss I feel so out of control. I love him and I thought if I loved enough he would "find" himself, he would "grow up". I know this is this denial, I feel as if I have done something wrong. I feel so alone. I feel like no one understands, then I started reading...and I know others feel the same but at the same time I feel
like I am alone I am so confused, I get conflicting options on what my role as his mother is, I want to do what is right, what is right? I want him to be saved I am scared, really scared. He is at the hospitol again for his forth or
fifth detox, but he never stays long enough. There are mental issues which professionals have not been able to pin point, but he doesn't stay sober long enough for them to evaluate, and I cannot get them to keep him. I am soooo
frustrated, and sad. - Susan
I'm writing today to let you know that I delete any comments that contain words that could be considered cursing. We, here on this website, are from many different backgrounds, nationalities, and belief systems - and we're all emotionally raw and vulnerable. I'm sure none of you would wish to accidentally add to someone's burden by offending them, either through cursing or through expounding on your own particular beliefs.
Thank you for your understanding. ~ Cheryl