Today is my son’s birthday. He is 29. I think I have been in denial that today he is 29. That he (me) has more time. Isn’t he only 14 or 21 or 27? But frankly, I don’t know what difference that really makes. It reminds me of when I was so upset he was coming off my insurance because of age but then I had to do a reality check…he hadn’t used the insurance in years. Things have been strained between my son, my firstborn, for a while, so I wanted to greet him bright and early with a happy birthday message. To encourage him and remind him that he is loved. Instead I was greeted with a “did I get anything in the mail” text about 7am. I honor the one commitment I have made to myself, from the advice of a fabulous counselor over the years, which is to know in advance what I will agree to and not agree to before I engage with him. It has made such a difference. So when I went to meet with him, I planned to take offer to take him to eat lunch. He had received a gift from his grandmother and I will commit to giving his gifts to him. Sure enough I get there and he is not in control and desperate and sad and fighting with his partner and I give him his present and make myself leave. Since I know what I will and will not do, I had already given him a birthday gift in September, when he started haggling me for his October 29th birthday. Even though my surprise lunch doesn’t happen, at least I have done my part, and what I can commit to.